Bartender (Mississippi Queen) 

Getting to know me...could be an interesting statement if it weren't open to so many interptations. How does one actually get to know somebody...or themselves for that matter. Do you pull out the picture albums, the old photos or the complete set of diaries since your sweet sixteenth birthday and review your life's backroads? Well, I've done that I suppose having put every picture I could scrap up on my computer. The diaries are in my head. Now...Who am I?

Well I've been a busboy, a bartender, a pipefitter, a convenience store manager, a fine-dinning waiter, a restaurant manager and even a supervisor over Subway sandwichs shops in Atlanta, Georgia. I've sold shoes, jewery and everything under the sun. I've been just about everything one could be without a college degree. I do have a degree in GayLiving and Better Living with Chemistry. I could write a book on how to have sex with a different man every night. How to find the best drugs in town. And how to walk upright after two days of non-stop drinking. Not exactly admissions you'd wanna frame on your wall. So...who am I now? That's the question I pose to myself these days.

According to the manuel for better Gayliving, I'm a really old man. Any guy over thirty is way past his prime. I can remember thinking how old forty sounded. How old forty looked on men back then. And now I'm going to be fifty in September. Wow! What happened? Like Rip van Winkle, I seemed to have slept through most of my life. Of course that's not true. If I really put my mind to it, the images, the memories come flooding back in a rush that would send most sane men deep into a walking coma. So many faces of men. So many times taking that short cut to intimacy hoping to find Mr. Right. My my...what a joke that was on me. I can tell you with great confidence now, that Mr. Right isn't out there hanging on a meat hook. He's usually standing right there in front of you. The two men I've loved most in the world were men I ran across but bodily fluids were not exchanged. Like Jerry who was with John Ed in Atlanta while I was there in the early eighties and David, who as a very young kid in Mobile came across my path. How odd life is sometimes. I hope after we die, we discover there is some meaning to this mortal coil existence otherwise I'll probably loose whatever favor I have with the Good Lord.

I'm a gentle man, not too bad looking, kind of nice like an old pair of levi jeans and quite loveable. The term loveable triggers the thought of him. I think of David often. Of the things we did together and the times we talked quietley in the night coming down from a cocaine high...both of us stoned and doing vodka shots. Playing yatzy or dominoes and listening to his club music. The frozen moments of the past when he looked at me and time stood still. I think to myself I'll never feel that way again and yet even as I think it, say it or right now writing it, I know it's not true. I have alot of love in my heart. I have been so starved for love all my life and now I realize its not what you get out of love but what you give in love. Who am I. I'm a LOVER of men. A gayman in search of another gayman to share and exemplify the greatest thing on earth. To Love !

That's Me Mardi Gras New Orleans 1984 

Hummm...Getting to know me. Just like the song. Well, I guess you say I'm an alright kind of guy. I don't go out of my way to hurt anyone. I don't try to offend or intentionally wound anyone. I go by the old saying,"live and let live." I think everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Personal Rights all inclusive. So what makes me different for we are all unique in our own way...Right? Well. Let me think about that for a minute.....and here's what I think..............................

Having all the advantages of a white boy over 21 and relatively capable, I have pretty much breezed through life or at least until recently. I've pretty much did what I wanted to do. I slept with who I wanted and alot I didn't...Oh the power of alcohol...They do look better the more you drink. I've partied with the best. Got fucked up with the brightest. Got laid by the finest. (And yes, some not so fine). But all in all, I've pretty much did it my way. Oh no...another song. Well. let it suffice to say I've had a pretty good run at life. I've lived thru Elvis Presley...the break up of the Doobie Brothers....Disco (Wow...What an era).....the Vietnam conflict (they keep saying it wasn't a war ...don't believe em) ...Watergate....the Regan years....the discovery of The Virus HIV aka the gay cancer........Gaslines.....leisure suits......(see disco)..........long hair....coffed hair....short hair....now no hair.....bell bottom jeans....dingo boots.........chinos...........silk shirts.......muskoil............lots of jewery...no jewery...now one or two good pieces........The BeeGees...(and I love me some BeeGees)......poor Andy's demise.......the end of privacy........its the information age now............Drag shows....God ya gotta love em....Cruise bars....sissy bars....manly man bars.....Dynasty (didn't ya love Alexis & the original Stephen)......The days of Line Dancing....(they're back they say)........oh and so so much more..........................................

Having experienced first hand all these things and so much more one would wonder just what effect it had on a country boy like me. I am from the country in case I didn't mention that little tidbit. Born and bred in a small town with both grandparents having farms and land and cattle and oh all that good stuff. Well, I have walked thru life with my eyes wide open and somewhat fascinated by it all. Everything in its own right has a fascination for me. I am a man of my age having experience first hand all but one thing. Not that I didn't try... Military service. I did try to join the Navy when I was seventeen but thank God they wouldn't have me. I registered with the draft board the same year Vietnam ended...Lucky I was I suspect.

I was a late bloomer. And bloom I did. It only took twenty-five years to grow up. In someways, I'm still in Never-neverland. The Peter Pan syndrome I think its called. I don't want to grow up or get old but guess what....I ammmmmmmmmm. Anyway, I still look pretty good for my old age....of course it's not the years, right? Its the mileage..............

I've met and known some pretty interesting people over the years. I still see one person I went to high school with from time to time. He's gone back to crack and doesn't socialize anymore again...but he's still around after thirty years. I don't dare go back home and see the others I went to school with....I've seen a few and oh my God....they looked so old and they have grand kids. I still think of myself as a grandkid....not having em. But all in all, the two people who stand out the most are of course David, my lost lover of last year and my ex of eleven years who's still around helping me out... Jerry. Ya gotta love Jerry. If you knew him, I mean. I've never met anyone as generous and thoughtful as Jerry. He still loves me. How I don't know. Even after all the years we've been just friends. He still loves the ex ball and chain. He was so jealous of David though....but now I realize he was actually jealous of any two people who love one another like David and I did.... I miss David alot. These days I cry alot....makes me feel like a girl sometimes. Another song comes to mind. "I am woman..." Helen Reddy.....you said it best........"...watch me grow. I still have a long long way to go..." and go I will...........until later